show off

do not look down on uneducated people,
look at the reason behind their fate;
maybe it is because of luck,
you are lucky to get such parents and he is not.

overtake

when a car overtake me,
i want to speed up my bike;
but my brain tell me, "let us reach safely",
"they are waiting for you and do not disappoint them".

God is watching

a kid said, "i will tell everything to God" before he died due to child abuse,
i was wondering does he need to tell it?
i hope silence of God is just a sign that He is waiting for the correct moment to punish them,
i wish it is not a sign that He is still giving a chance for them to change.

smile

i paused a while whenever people said "you are always smiling",
i am happy because i know that i have succeed in covering my sadness;
i wish they never dream to be myself,
because it is not easy to be fake.

career

medical doctor is a need for human,
engineer is a doctor for science and technology;
for the first time i felt that i am a doctor too,
thanks for "Non-Destructive Testing".

waiting

i wish to go home too,
but my spirit asked me, "do you want lose to your enemy called separation?";
"your mum will be happier with your return or when you back with a victory?",
"just wait for 23 days more".

23 years

it is not fair... it is not fair... IT IS NOT FAIR!!!
why we are the only one have to struggle for 23 years???
even if a material have tested for that long period, it may have lost its strength and durability by time,
do not ever appear in front of me because You may fed up with all those questions i ask not wishes.

silence

i was thinking,
expressing everything we feel is harder or keep everything we feel silently is harder?
because i am confuse that i have make others struggle or i am struggling?
i hope i do not burden anyone.

absence of dad

when my twin and i curiously waiting for our name to be called on "Award of Excellence" day in school, i saw my mum was sitting alone in the crowd watching us with a little smile on her face,
when we were registered in boarding school, my mum brings us by taxi to the hostel and go back by walking alone to bus station,
she never knows that her twin babies were watching her leaving the hostel from their room window,
my twin never knows that i was crying at that moment and perhaps she was crying too but i never know.

bitter and sweet

today i realized that not i am the one teach each step of my sis,
life teach her;
perhaps the teaching way is similar because when i was teaching her driving, i strictly said, "if you do not want to drive, then let us wait in this middle of the road until the end and sure i will not drive you back",
same goes when life teach my sis, "do it yourself and sure i will not do it for you".

small eyes

one night, i rode motorcycle,
i admire my eyes at that moment because i realize its effort to give me clear vision by absorb the surrounding light;
i have determined that i should be as my eyes too,
no matter how dark my path is, i should not stop walking but must make sure i am walking in a right path by torch the path with my hope, confident and faith on Him.

sacrifice

thanks to my mum and dad,
whenever we have financial problem, they never ask us to go for work;
and they never ask us to eat little,
but she scarifies her needs and even food to make sure we never feel the difference.

i am slave

i wish He will proudly whisper, "that is my slave" one day,
it is okey God if i am unable to hear that;
i feel satisfied when i put my effort to do what You have guided,
i feel blessed when i say, "He is watching".

travelling on bus

during my journey back to home by public bus, i realize something,
there are people who keep on staring outside the bus which i assumed they are refreshing some kind of sad memories or incidents;
there are people who sleeping throughout the journey which i assumed they are going to somewhere because of responsibilities,
there are some keep on chatting with each other either friend or family which i assumed they are enjoying the journey.

let devil win

my program has being corrupted when i think about you,
it is really difficult to feel anger and pity at same moment;
it is similar as my angel and devil is fighting with each other,
most of the time devil wins because this devil keeps on reminding me on my mum's past.

disappointment

suddenly remembered my past when someone's photo appear on my Facebook home,

i realize how they treat my mum,

it gave a big impact on me because i assumed that we should not be treated or respected as normal human beings,

that feeling is one of obstacle for me to allow anyone enters my life and family because i do not want they being treated the same way as us.

meaning of Deepavali

this is the first year of Deepavali we are going to travel with a walker,
for the first time my dad pray her late mother by sitting;
it is a great experience even though a bit hard to accept,
perhaps God is showing me the meaning of Deepavali since i always complain that Deepavali is boring,

keep it secret

whenever i felt sad or disappointed, i keep it secret,
thank God my sister will voice out what i felt because she felt the same;
i am proud with her because she have the strength,
but i can not do the same because i guess i should be a "ladder" rather than be a "slider" when they are down.

shocking human beings

i hate those scream when i try to scare them by just holding their shoulder,
FINE! i admit it is my fault!
i guess screaming is just enough to show you were scared,
crying is unnecessary thing unless I am a real ghost (except if i look alike ghost -_-).

stop blame

i hate the moments when people in my surrounding argue like they got master in driving,
i hate the moments when they irritate me by nagging on my driving way,
i KNOW how to drive!
if you do not believe, wait until the day i will get a lesson (*wish will never come) to continue your nagging!

brain

i realize about myself,
my brain and heart are rivals for each other,
when my heart wish for something, my brain says,"do not do that. I am saying for your goodness",
finally i follow what brain said because as human i must make use of what given by God as extra application in living body system.

movie

do not hope,
just move on by accepting this is your fated destiny;
too much hopes will break you when it lost,
if something unexpected happen, just accept it by saying "this is a story too".

chameleon

i love to be a girl,
a girl who able to change her color as chameleon;
change to violent when face rude humans,
change to soft when face innocents.

bangles

recently i love to wear bangles,
i wear it when i went to shop, class and everywhere;
then suddenly something cross my mind.
i should wait for the "someone" to show the sweetness of my life with him is like the sound of my bangles.

killing scene

i saw a man with backpack walked using walker on roadside,
he stops for a while then continue walking without looking on right or left (perhaps do not want ask sympathy of others);
i was watching from my bus when it stops at a traffic light,
i am still wondering why none help him???

my boost

whenever i feel lazy to study,
i will remind myself;
i am the one should hold, pull and make you stand in this society,
"i will never let you fall again in the society" is promise to myself.

my spectacle

i always wet you with my tears,
sorry my dear spectacle;
perhaps you may confused with what cause the tears,
you can only see what i see but can not feel what i feel.

happy for sorrows

i am happy when you are independent,
i will die peacefully because i know you can make it without me;
but i will not simply die before watch you happy,
so perhaps you should thanked to God  whenever we are suffering because it is not time for me to leave you.

live your life

everything happen that i never expect,
this moment i have my sis, mum and dad;
someone said life is full of thrills that we should learn to accept,
"life is like watching a horror movie that we wait for the next scene with full nervous," i said.

my sleeping beauty

around 2am i awake and looked at my sleeping beauty,
i know she is sleeping with full tired after back from work;
i realize how selfish i am to let her work and i went for further study,
i hope it will not be late to help her find a light in the dark.

useless punishment

God, can i advice You?
Please punish the devils as they do any wrongs;
do not wait for the next birth,
because they will never learn the lesson.

unexpected ending

i keep on thinking,
is it the real ending?
when i watch a movie, i can accept the unexpected end by saying, "it is okay they are acting and it is not reality";
but not in my real story.

life on road

busy drivers and riders are everywhere,
it makes me scared to ride my motorcycle;
but once a while i laugh to myself,
because i am in that busy traffic too.

rain and effect

the cloud turn dark and it start raining,
the cloud turn clear as it stop raining;
it may look clear but many living things have died due to the flood on earth,
a person may look calm but she have lost many things and still able to live the life with faith in heart.

life and game

Life is not a game to be played with fair,

It is a field rich with lessons;
The loser and winner still will be there,
None will be eliminated when wrongs done;
It depends on the loser to die or restart at the point of failure,
But do not ever expect the winner will wait you;
Do not dream that he will turn to be a loser,
You may not move from the point you stand if he do not keep on show off and walk in front of you;
So do not be stress even if he win by fraud,
Just think of way and move on to beat that fraud!!!

not fair

it was hurting me when i did survey on wheelchair,
it was hurting me when i was searching for park to bring you for outing;
my devil keep on whispering, "it is not fair",
why i should not stop weeping???

vice versa

i know that you are paying for the sins you have done,
but i cannot see you suffer;
because I LOVE YOU,
and i keep on hoping that this is a dream.

not ready

i am not yet ready to meet you,
but i want to meet you before it is late;
i am creating and saving strength to meet you,
and i am trying to accept the fate.

you BULLSHIT!!!

who are you to talk about her?
if you are not helping her, just stop hurting her!!!
you BULLSHIT making her more worse,
i have cursed you at this moment that "you will see your loved one suffering to live in front your eyes"!!!

losing faith

am i stupid because thinking that You are watching everything as i do?
am i stupid in keep on believing that there is a reason on everything You do?
am i stupid in having faith on You?
am i stupid to keep on asking and still waiting for the answers from You?

stop walk

you have walked through village to sell food,
and you asked me to wait at motorcycle, so i did;
i am happy when you do not need to sell anything,
BUT it is killing me when i get to know that it is not you have stopped selling but you have to stop WALKING!!!

it is mine!!!

i know you are good,
but remember we are NOT SAME!
do not help me by hurting me!
honestly, i am unable to scold you because it is your effort to help me...

i am happy

thank god! at last you showed how disgusting it is to live with us!
GO anywhere you like!
we PROMISE, we will never find any REPLACE of you to live with us,
and do not regret if your dream and reality are not alike...

don't hate me

it is not easy to be strict,
but i am trying my best to change you;
you may thought i am jerk,
yes, i am, because hoping for a change from you!!!

revenge on society

each scenes have been recorded,
whenever i listen to slow songs the scenes will be replayed;
so it reminds me on how she bowed her head and looked down in front of the SOCIETY,
the silence of the society have create a spirit of anti-society!!!

track

sometimes i almost hate You fully,
but i do not, because i know You the one save my mum until now;
i am trying my best to be Your devotee,
i just wish You know the reason if i stop pray You in future.

sleep

each night i was wondering,
why i should always think something;
i wish to sleep with peace in my heart and smile on face,
even if its just one night i will live my rest of life without expect anymore justice.

tears

feels better when you cry,
wake up with new spirit as teardrop dry;
be ready to show to life,
that you are not weak and will fight for YOUR life!

ask forgiveness

you know what?
i am lucky to arrange remarriage for my mum and dad;
i guess none is luckier than me,
because i have the chance to watch my parents real wedding.

hate rain

as it rain,
i will recall all the incidents witnessed by rain;
as raindrops hit my face,
it was teardrops of my past, i guess.

my inspiration

i will never leave you,
i can not imagine my life without you;
i prefer we both die together,
i will never let you be as memories of my life, i swear.