i am slave

i wish He will proudly whisper, "that is my slave" one day,
it is okey God if i am unable to hear that;
i feel satisfied when i put my effort to do what You have guided,
i feel blessed when i say, "He is watching".

travelling on bus

during my journey back to home by public bus, i realize something,
there are people who keep on staring outside the bus which i assumed they are refreshing some kind of sad memories or incidents;
there are people who sleeping throughout the journey which i assumed they are going to somewhere because of responsibilities,
there are some keep on chatting with each other either friend or family which i assumed they are enjoying the journey.

let devil win

my program has being corrupted when i think about you,
it is really difficult to feel anger and pity at same moment;
it is similar as my angel and devil is fighting with each other,
most of the time devil wins because this devil keeps on reminding me on my mum's past.

disappointment

suddenly remembered my past when someone's photo appear on my Facebook home,

i realize how they treat my mum,

it gave a big impact on me because i assumed that we should not be treated or respected as normal human beings,

that feeling is one of obstacle for me to allow anyone enters my life and family because i do not want they being treated the same way as us.

meaning of Deepavali

this is the first year of Deepavali we are going to travel with a walker,
for the first time my dad pray her late mother by sitting;
it is a great experience even though a bit hard to accept,
perhaps God is showing me the meaning of Deepavali since i always complain that Deepavali is boring,

keep it secret

whenever i felt sad or disappointed, i keep it secret,
thank God my sister will voice out what i felt because she felt the same;
i am proud with her because she have the strength,
but i can not do the same because i guess i should be a "ladder" rather than be a "slider" when they are down.